Sunday, 31 October 2010

Please, Spare A Thought.

Hello, Penny the Jack Russell dog, here.  It's that time of year and I have asked Gary if he would kindly type out my thoughts.  From just before Halloween and climaxing with Guy Fawkes Night, also called Bonfire Night, my life is filled with dazzling lights and very loud bangs.  My friend, I tremble with fear.
When Gary goes out and leaves me alone, he knows that someone has been setting off fireworks outside the house.  He finds me huddled and shaking inside the closet.  His socks are wet from my nervous piddle.  Why are they doing this?  Why do they have to explode those scary things outside our home?  I'm so scared, so very scared and confused.
Gary has told me that there is no need for people to buy fireworks and cause such stress for us innocent creatures.  Gary has told me that people who buy fireworks are putting themselves and others, at risk.  He has told me that people can go and watch fireworks at controlled and safe public displays.  So why do they take the risk?  I don't understand any of this.  I think that the purchase of fireworks to the public should be banned.  Gary has told me that the Accident and Emergency units at the hospitals would agree.
So please, spare a thought.  Think about what a terrible and scary time this is for me and many other animals. Please do not go throwing fireworks down the street.  Please, if nothing else, think about saving some money and going to a public display.  I have been told by Gary that fireworks are expensive and you would get to see loads more at an organised and safe fireworks event.
Please have a safe and happy Halloween.  If you are celebrating Bonfire Night, please take heed of my impassioned plea.  I thank you.

Friday, 29 October 2010

Grammar Anarchy.

The above photograph is a fusion of Punk Rock meets Pet Rock meets Bedrock.

This here blog is all about grammar anarchy and writing it any old way I like.  No plot.  No sense.  No rules. Or, in the words of those musical anarchists, The Sex Pistols, 'No future'.  You see, already, 'it dont make no sense' and that is a double negative and I don't care!   This will be a mishmash of moronic mishap material mayhem mostly making me more mildly mystified, maybe.
No antagonist and no protagonist.  No boring description of each character in details I don't care about.  No, this crap will have no sense of direction and will be completely disjointed and will not change your life for the better and will use 'and' as many times as I care too.
And thus, I continue with a whole bunch of dots...........The following are all those brilliant thoughts I had for a posting, but forgot to write down.  The ones I've said to myself, 'I'll remember that incredibly clever thought.  I'll show 'em how good I can write!'  That would be the incredibly clever thought that I've forgotten, five minutes later.  Okay, the following are all those clever and deeply profound thoughts I forgot.

Did you enjoy that?  What?  I told you this posting had no rules and, at this point, if you are still reading, you might dare continue and read some of the fascinating stuff I did remember to write down.  Then again, you might just think why I bothered.   So here you are, some random, totally unrelated garbage, or if you prefer, rubbish.  Have you watched baseball?  That would be cricket without the confusion.  There are two leagues, the National League and the American League.  In the American League, they have a dude who is called the 'designated hitter'.  All this dude does is hit and when I say 'hit', I mean the baseball.  What you might not know is that in the American League, they also have a guy who is known as the 'designated shitter'.  You see, there aint much time in baseball to go for a dump.  Not even the 'seventh inning stretch' is suffice.  I mean, how would it look if it's the star player's turn to go to bat, bottom of the ninth, two out, bases loaded and trailing by three runs and everyone's waiting cause the star dude is having a dump.  Thus, the designated shitter has one on his behalf.  Problem solved.  Now, the National League, based on this, might just think about getting a designated hitter and a designated shitter.  
The above paragraph was stupid and a rather feeble attempt at humour (humor).  Of course, ofcourse, I don't care,   So the guy making desserts looked at me in horror. 'Oh dear, I'm a trifle short!', he yelled.  'What are you talking about?  You must be at least six feet tall', I responded.  I really hate the expression 'at the end of the day'.  I hate it almost as much as folks who say, 'to be honest', which makes me wonder if they are not usually honest.  And when you say, 'you know', or 'you know what I'm sayin'?   No, I don't know and I don't care.  At the end of the day, to be honest, you know, you know what I'm sayin'?  And the next person who says, 'I'm not being funny'....well guess what?  You aint!  Kinda' like this blog.
So to end this grammar anarchy blog I was thinking about doing one of those writing 'mistakes' that leads one into the trap of formulating a run-on and on and on sentence that leaves established or aspiring writers gasping in disbelief that anyone would have the audacity to dare make a sentence drawn out and thus taking away any credibility of the writing because a shorter sentence would have been so much more correct n' stuff and so I will not do that and I'm now wondering just what the 'n' stuff', is.
Oh yeah, if you really care.  What do you think that drawing is on my shirt?  That would be the drawing below the exclamation mark!

Tuesday, 26 October 2010

Your Siesta Championship Training.

Madrid, Spain (CNN) -- 'An unemployed security guard from Ecuador is Spain's top snoozer.  Pedro Soria Lopez, 62, was able to nap for 17 minutes and register a 70-decibel snore while sprawled out on a couch in the middle of a crowded shopping mall in what's been billed as the first-ever Spanish National Siesta Championship.  The grand siesta champ won the first cash prize of 1,000 euros (about $1,400) in credit to purchase goods at the shopping center in Madrid.
The competitors started off by lying down on blue sofas, some in pajamas. Each got to eat a lunch ahead of time, then had twenty minutes to get as much z's as they could squeeze in.'  This fiercely contested event took place from October 14th until October 23rd.
Security guard.  Unemployed.  Likes to snooze.  Hmmmm....are you also wondering why he might be unemployed?  Still, $1,400 U.S., or $1,426 Canadian, or 890 British pounds, is a pretty darn decent amount of money for 17 minutes work, I mean rest.  

I have informed Penny, the lovable dog and internet star, about the Spanish National Siesta Championship.  Penny is thrilled at the thought of competing in next year's event and has taken up a strict training regime.  I would, dare I say, consider her to have an excellent chance of winning.  Note as she prepares herself for a bit of serious training.  She even used a traditional type blanket that is actually from Cancun, Mexico, but what the hell, to create the perfect ambience.  Clever girl!
So maybe you have a pet that would be an ideal candidate to compete in next year's eagerly anticipated contest.  I would add that bringing any hibernating animal would be cheating.  Besides, you try explaining to the cabin crew why there is a 9 foot tall, 700 pound grizzly bear, passed out beside you in the already cramped economy section.
You may have now given serious consideration into participating in next year's Spanish National Siesta Championship.  You might have even thought about asking your pet, if you have one, if they would like to enter such a stimulating contest.  Actually, by reading this posting, you may have suddenly realised that getting this far down the blog, has been a really terrific way of preparing yourself for your siesta championship training.   Anyway, you decide.  I leave the rest to you.
Must go now.......I'm getting rather drowsy. 

Saturday, 23 October 2010

The Gold Framed Dog Blog Award.

It had been suggested that perhaps I create an award using the above photograph.  This was mentioned in a comment by our blogging friend at this wonderfully interactive site:  Along Life's Highway The Yard Art Game.  Here is the quote, "Gary, perhaps you should make your own award using the lovely shot of the framed Penny."
So, thanks for that, lifeshighway, and thus, I create a new blogging award.  'The Gold Framed Dog Blog Award', is born.
I will now pass on this award to five worthy recipients whose blogs clearly demonstrate their love for the precious creatures who share our fragile planet.  Now, the five recipients can do as they wish with this award.  They can forward it on or just proudly display the award on their site.  I leave it up to the discretion of the recipient.  
If you do choose to pass it on, it does not have to be forwarded to someone who has a dog.  No, if you know of a blog, for instance, that has a great love of garden slugs, hey, that's great!   If you visit a blog that thrills you with their affection for Vietnamese pot bellied pigs, I say, fantastic!   If you know of a blogger who just adores cats....well...ummm.....okay.  
So now, finally, I present to you the first ever winners of what will be, one of the most sought after, highly cherished, highly coveted awards in the history of blogging awards, ever!  

The Gold Framed Dog Blog Award, goes to:

Functional Kaos :  This blog written by, Mustang Sally, displays great affection and appreciation for the wonders of nature.  This blog is well worth a visit if you have not already done so.
Rot Du Jour  :  The writer of this blog, Sam, loves dogs and cats.  A witty and light hearted blog that I greatly enjoy reading.
Random Thoughts  :  Sharon, at this beautifully written blog, tells inspiring, witty and charming stories about her adventures with her lovely dog, Macy.
Soundoff  :  Heather, the writer of this thought provoking and inspirational blog, has much love for her cherished pets.  I know that she considers them as family members.  Her thoughtful blog is a favourite of mine.
knightrider  :   My dear friend, Wayne, has just started blogging and I know how much his beloved animals mean to him.  His ongoing tales will, I know, be a source of inspiration.

So that's just about it.  This award is dedicated to those I consider to have great respect and love for all our beautiful creatures.  I now set this award free.  Free to roam and bring joy to so many deserving recipients.

Thursday, 21 October 2010

Alone, But Not Lonely.

It was a late afternoon on a cold and crisp autumn day.  Penny surveyed the garden and I reckoned she loved the golden leaves.

Penny sat amongst the golden autumn leaves.  Such a happy and playful dog.  I looked at her and I knew, I just knew, that Penny could sense how much she was loved.

I went for a late night stroll in the neighbourhood.  It was bitterly cold.  The glistening moon and the glowing street lamps, cast eerie shadows upon my icy car.

Back inside, back inside my warm and cosy house, I gazed out the living room window and marvelled at the rising moon.   And I knew, I just knew, that I have a wonderful life.

Sleep beckoned me.  I went to my bedroom and watched the glowing shades, soothing shades of orange and grey, dance upon my walls.  I looked out my bedroom window and observed the setting moon on a cold, clear and quiet night.  I felt content and recalled a day, a magical day, that would fill my dreams with happy thoughts.
I spend a lot of time on my own.  Devoid of human contact.  Yes, I am alone, but not lonely.  For I'm comfortable with who I am and stay focused on a positive future. I've come along way since some dark and frightening times nearly destroyed the last remaining shreds of a fragile dignity.  I'm very proud that I never gave up  Thus, I know, I just know,  as I continue to work through my trauma, that one day soon, I will open my front door and embrace all the world has to offer.
I've so much to be grateful for and I thank you for reading this.  With respect, Gary.

Saturday, 16 October 2010

A Heated Debate.

There has been overwhelming popular demand that I submit a photograph of a genuine British type central heating radiator.  Okay, one person, Sam at, Rot Du Jour, begged me, I mean, asked me if I would send a picture. Here is her impassioned plea, "Gary-I would be extremely interested to see what one of these 'weird' radiators looks like-do send a picture eh?"  Well, I will do better than that.  I share with you some fascinating photographs of a British radiator.  And, just when you thought your day couldn't get any better.

Now, you might just be aware that British weather is not exactly the most ideal.  If you go to hang out your laundry you are virtually guaranteeing a torrential downpour.  This is where the much loved British gas central heating radiator becomes oh so convenient.
Just think what a welcoming sight it is for visitors to come into the house and see a varied collection of undergarments flung over the much loved British gas central heating radiator.  A common British conversation, in a typical British house, starts like this, 'A very good day to you, come on in.  Do you like my underwear?'
For your information, in case you're taking notes, I will tell you what's in the above photograph:  A partial view of my curtains, four pairs of underwear, one authentic Canadian 'toque', a wayward stuffed hedgehog, 'Tails' the fox, a very confused garden gnome, and of course, the warm and reassuring, British gas central heating radiator.

There is one problem that I have noted with British gas central heating radiators.  The heating seems to stay in one spot.   This means that the radiator becomes a meeting place, a gathering of all creatures, great and small.
So, as I observe the huddled masses congregating around the radiator, I got to thinking about the good old days in Canada.  I have fond memories of the forced air natural gas heating that would come whooshing out the vents on the floor.  And speaking of natural gas.  Ah yes, the fun we used to have.  The hot air would blast out of the vent.... and I would let rip....a massive fart!  That way, said fart would circulate and waft around the house, and all, within range, would get to pungent aroma.  It's good to share.  Sadly, if I tried the same thing on a British radiator, I know I'd be most disappointed.  Knowing my luck, the end result would be a burnt butt from getting too close to the radiator.
I'm fully aware that this intriguing topic has thrilled you to the point of blissful euphoria.  And with this in mind, I'm going to submit, for your viewing delight, one last photograph.  I hope you are sitting comfortably.

Yes, behold, the great and the mighty, genuine British thermostat, photographed, on location, in my home.  I hope you managed to contain your excitement.
'I wonder if this posting will cause a heated debate?   Did I mention that we have to 'bleed' our radiators?   If anyone reads this they will think it's a load of hot air...and Gary....why are you talking to yourself?'

Thursday, 14 October 2010

No, You're Not Imagining This.

Seriously, you are not imagining this.  This is not some sort of parallel universe.  And no, you are not stuck in some 'Groundblog Day' type situation.  Seriously, you are not imagining this.  This is not some sort of parallel universe.  And no, you are not stuck in some 'Groundblog Day' type situation.
Another highly intelligent blogger has had the good sense to bestow the much loved and very much cherished, 'One Lovely Blog Award', to the ever so humble, ever so shy, me!   Did you note the exclamation mark to highlight dramatic impact?!  Now then, not one to make overly long and boring acceptance speeches, bordering on inane and incoherent gibberish, I will get on with and thank the critically acclaimed blogger who is named 'Sam'.
Sam, I salute you, in a very nice way, for bestowing this award upon me.  Sam at, 'Rot Du Jour', does an extremely clever and funny blog.  Sam, is sending me money.  I'm joking.  Sam's blog is well worth a visit, if you have not already done so, and can be discovered at, (yes I know, get on with it!), can be discovered here at this link that I am now going to finally place on here:  Rot Du Jour   I should also mention, as a public service, that Sam is desperate for a working can-opener.  Maybe you can help.
Now, time honoured tradition states that I evidently should pass on the, One Lovely Blog Award, to equally worthy recipients as the awesome and incredible me.  Note my ongoing modest theme, here.  However, being a bit of an anarchist, I'm going to do something slightly different.  If you are on my 'Bog Roll', sorry 'Blog Roll', please know that I am thinking about what a great blogger you are.  If you are not on my Blog Roll, please know that I am also thinking about you and what a great blogger you are.  Did I get around that okay?  Hmmm.
Anyhow, I am going to forward this award to just one very special young fellow.  A young lad who has touched the hearts and minds of so many of us.  A young chap who understands and embraces the power and the magic of the written word.  Lenny is a wonderfully inspiring young writer and it's my honour and privilege to pass on the, One Lovely Blog Award, to him.  It's Lenny's birthday on October 20th and I know you will join me in wishing this very special young guy, a very happy birthday.  You can find Lenny's blog at the following link:  Lenny's World  

And for no reason, whatsoever, here is a framed photograph of Penny, internet star and a thoroughly delightful dog......

Monday, 11 October 2010

Happy Thanksgiving Day, Canada!

I would like to wish all my friends and family, in Canada, a peaceful and positive Thanksgiving Day.  I will be thinking about you.
So I thought it would be really neat eh to tell you some 'facts' about this great nation that you might not already know.  Okay, I'm cheating a bit, because some of the stuff below has been used by me in previous blogs.   Hey, I'm lazy and in a rush to get this out on the right date.
Did you realise that it was a couple of Canadians who basically sorted out the Universe?  Please allow me to explain. Captain James T. Kirk (William Shatner) of Star Trek fame, is Canadian.  You remember this famous line? 'Space... the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship 'Canada eh'.  Then again, there was also Commander Adama, (Lorne Greene) another Canadian trying to get things sorted out in space and the leader of a noble mission.  Do you recall him saying this?  "Fleeing from the Cylon tyranny, the last Battlestar, 'Galacticanada', leads a ragtag, fugitive fleet, on a lonely quest—for a shining planet known as Earth."  So there you go, some overwhelming 'proof' just how vital Canadians have been in our space type adventures.
Wait there's more.  Let me tell you about an invention by a truly great Canadian scientist.  The year was 1962, the scientist in question, Edward Asselbergs, created something so significant to the betterment of mankind, that other events of 1962, such as John Glenn being the first American to orbit the earth, pale by comparison.  That's right, Mr. Asselbergs brought to the world.... instant mashed potatoes.  
Right then, the above two paragraphs were 'copied and pasted' from one of my previous blogs.  The next part is now bonus fascinating information about Canada.   Here are some famous female Canadian singers, Alanis Morissette,  Avril Lavigne,  Nelly Furtado,  Shania Twain and whoops, Celine Dion.  Here are some well known Canadian male singers, Neil Young, Bryan Adams, Michael Buble and whoops, Terry Jacks.   Here are some famous Canadian bands, Rush, Steppenwolf, Bachman Turner Overdrive, The Guess Who and whoops, NickelBack.   
Briefly, cause you are probably falling asleep reading this, here are some famous Canadian folks from the entertainment industry you may have thought were American.  Raymond Burr aka 'Perry Mason' aka 'Ironsides'.  Dan Akroyd,  Michael J. Fox,  Rick Moranis,  Donald Sutherland, Leslie Nielsen, Tommy Chong (as in Cheech and Chong...'cough, cough')  and whoops, Jim Carrey. And to conclude this paragraph, here are just a few Canadian actresses that you may be familiar with, Margot Kidder, Neve Campbell, Mary Pickford , Catherine O' Hara and whoops, Pamela Anderson.
Now there were plenty more Canadians I could of mentioned such as Glenn Ford, Mike Myers, Joni Mitchell and Leonard Cohen, but I wont.   In closing, here's a bit of trivia for you.  The board game 'Trivial Pursuit' was invented by a couple of Canadian dudes named, Scott Abbott and Chris Haney.  Hmmm...trivia about Trivial pursuit.
Finally, yes really, finally, in closing,  it is thought that Canadians say 'eh' a lot eh.  They think that Canadians say 'how's it goin' eh?', all the time eh.  Well eh, I can tell you eh, that's not true eh.   So then, how do you spell, 'Canada'?  'C eh n eh d eh'.
Have a happy Thanksgiving Day, Canada!

Friday, 8 October 2010

'Slow Down Time.'

Have you ever wanted to slow down time?  Well, you could watch a watch.  You could even stare at your clock.  If you are a dude reading this, the word I typed was 'clock', there is an 'l' in there.  I was thinking of using the 'neighbourhood watch', to..... 'slow down time', unfortunately, I couldn't fit it through the front door.  Soooo could continue reading this boring blog.  That should work.

I'm sure you are familiar with the usual stuff that could 'slow down time'.  You know, waiting for water to boil, watching grass grow, and one of my big favourites, waiting for paint to dry.  Exciting news!   I have found another method to 'slow down time'.  I propose a toaster.  If you stare at the bread in the toaster, it takes an eternity.  If you leave the room, your smoke alarm will go off.

Now then, time depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.  If you really, truly, want to 'slow down time', make sure you are on the outside of the bathroom and are desperate to get in there before you shit yourself.  Of course, the person, or in this case, 'Tails the fox', are completely oblivious to your plight.  What makes it worse is the fact animals don't even use 'ass wipe', I mean 'bog roll', I mean toilet paper.  No, just like good old kittie, or your adorable dog, Tails the fox, just wants to play with your toilet paper and spread it all over your bathroom floor.

Or, you could, 'slow down time', by doing what the dopey idiot in the photograph did to, 'slow down time'.  Dude in photograph boards a plane at Heathrow airport in England at noon.  He takes a direct nine hour flight to Vancouver and discovers he has arrived one hour after he left.  'Good afternoon, Gary!'  Yell his adoring fans waiting for him at the arrivals lounge.  'It's One P.M. eh...are you ready for some lunch eh?', screams one of his adoring fans.  'WTF!  I've done it!  I've 'slowed down time!', replies Gary to his startled but still adoring fans.  Incidentally, I've seen Gary's face, recently, and his methods of trying to, 'slow down time', appeared to have lost to the relentless onslaught of gravity.
In closing, yes we're nearly there.  In closing, I have some other methods to 'slow down time'.  You could visit someone you despise with a seething passion.  Then again, this could backfire because you might spend a great deal of time going over those on your 'hate list'.  This could actually 'speed up time'.  You might pretend you are a kid.  Of course, if you are a kid, you will know what I mean.  Anyway, pretend you're a kid, sit in the back of a friend's car and scream, 'are we there yet?'  You might try practising, by screaming, 'are we there yet?', on a bus, on a boat,  in a taxi, or on a plane.  Maybe forget trying that on a plane. 'Sorry Mr. Air Marshall, I was just trying to 'slow down time'.'
You might even try this.  Hang around really large objects.  According to certain scientists, time goes slower near large objects.  So, I'm heading for the pyramids, or perhaps, just hang around with my very large friend who gives, 'ballpark figure',  a whole new meaning.

Are we there yet?  Yes, mercifully, we have come to the end of another boring and ridiculous blog.  Reading this may have helped you 'slow down time'.  Right, I'm going now, time to listen to a fascinating and absorbing game of chess on the radio.  One last thing.  I'm struggling to sell my 'Marcel Marceau' CD.  Any offers?    I think I have 'time on my' hands......

Wednesday, 6 October 2010

I Humbly Accept This Award.

I humbly accept the prestigious and much coveted, 'One Lovely Blog Award'.  This award has been bestowed upon me by a very clever and witty blogger who lives in that fine Canadian city of Winnipeg.  So Tracey, I wish to thank you very much for having such excellent taste in selecting my awesome blog.   So much for me being humble.
You can visit Tracey's blog  here : Flieder Floxx   I know you will be thoroughly entertained by this delightful lady's postings.
Now, as tradition states, I forward on this much sought after and much loved award to some worthy recipients.  'Can I have a drum roll please?'   'Here's a drum roll for you, klahanie.'  'I thank you'.......'drum roll'........and the superb bloggers that I have bestowed the 'One Lovely Blog Award', upon, are....'get on with it man!'
Okay,  the following blogs touch my world.   Here they are in no particular order.  If you click on the highlighted names you will be taken to their lovely blogs.

Soundoff  This is a blog written by a very dear friend of mine, Heather, who I would like to promote.   This is a blog of inspiration and determination.   It is about embracing a positive environment and showing resilience in the face of adversity.
Random Thoughts   This is a beautifully written and very thoughtful blog.  I have had the great privilege of interacting with the fine lady who writes this blog.  Her name is Sharon and I am grateful for all her support and encouragement.  If you have not checked out her site before; it is well worth your while.  I consider it a must read.
joanne rose   This blog is a beautiful pictorial and poetic delight.  Inspiring and thoughtful, I would highly recommend this wondrous site.  I thank her for sharing such incredible talent.
A Day In The Life   My good friend, David, at this highly articulate and thought provoking blog, writes about the ongoing challenges that need to be addressed in the pursuit of reducing the unfair stigma that still surrounds mental health issues.  I hope you will check out my good friend's blog.
Views From the Bald Patch   Now this one had got me fascinated.  It's the ongoing adventures of a British family that have started a new life in my other home, British Columbia.  You really must see the photos of his 'Pirate Ship'.

There were plenty of tremendous bloggers to choose from.  I just want you to know, whether you were on this list, or not, that your interaction within this fantastic blogging community is very much cherished.  And to the recipients of this award, well done and do as you wish with the prize.

Thanks again, Tracey.  I am truly honoured that you would consider me for the 'One Lovely Blog Award'.

Saturday, 2 October 2010

Scrap Notes.

The above photograph shows 'Penny', our lovable little Jack Russell, having a check over some of my random and scrap notes.  Perhaps that should read 'crap' notes.  Penny noticed that I had not been posting up much, recently.  So she said, 'Gary, why don't you just take some of this scribbled stuff and post it up?  Please do some of that dog versus cat observations.  You know, the ones I told you about.'  'Okay Penny', I replied, 'why not.'
Penny had told me about some of the good things that can relate to our canine friends.   Dogmatic, dogged determination and 'doggie style' swiftly on.  Here is some stuff that can relate to those creatures who have this evil plot to rule the world, aka cats.  Catastrophe, catatonic, the dreaded 'cat walk' and swiftly on.  But, before we leave this fascinating subject, here is, once again, an excellent reason to choose a dog over a cat.   Your house is on fire and the smoke alarm aint working.  Your dog will warn you, whilst kitty pisses off out the cat flap.
I will let you in on a secret.  Penny is actually my literary agent, my editor and has even considered becoming my 'pawblisher'.  This might explain the disjointed and inane ramblings that I have been known to publish, I mean pawblish.  So, in the name of 'grammar anarchy', I shall now type out some more selected scrap notes that Penny has suggested.  Be warned, the following might be even more confusing and ridiculous than anything I've submitted, ever.
Okay, I've grabbed my scrap notes.  So here goes.  Here are some things I'd like to do.   Throw a frisbee in front of a camera at 'Area 51'.  I'm so sure that would really confuse them.  Change the tunes on ice cream vans.  If I hear 'Popeye the sailor man', one more time, I going to stick a cone up the ice cream guy's butt.  How about something like 'Highway to Hell', by 'AC/DC'?   Something I would not do.  Play naked baseball.   If you think I'm gonna slide into home base, using my balls as brakes, well forget it.
Hang on one moment while I have a look at some more of my scribbled notes.  Are you still here?  Yeah, I know, this posting has been a waste of your time, so far.  Let us see if it improves by adding the following musings.  Did I tell you I was 'strapped for cash'?  Yeah, I know, what sort of straps were used and how much was I paid.  Was that better?   'No!  That was lousy!  When is this blog going to end?'  Soon, very soon.
You know that person who always moans?  No, not me.  And when I say 'moan', that is a reference to 'complaining' and has absolutely nothing to do with the sounds from a certain delicatessen scene in the film, 'When Harry Met Sally'.   'Yes...yes..yes..'  I mean, no.  This is referring to those who moan about everything and everybody.  Well, try this.  Be really, really nice to the constant moaner.  Of course, knowing your luck, they will moan about you being really, really nice.
This has been my feeble attempt at 'raising the bar' in this blog.  When I say 'raising the bar', that means trying to do something bordering on vaguely interesting, and does not mean, 'lifting a tavern off the ground', or 'elevating a sheep'.  That would be 'raising the bah'.  Yeah, I know, that was 'baaaahhhdd'....

Above is a photograph of Penny the potential 'pawblisher', perusing papers.  Did you like my usage of alliteration?  Beside Penny, is her assistant, some wayward stuffed hedgehog.   Together, they decided what I should post up.  So blame them.  I'm innocent, I tell you, innocent!   Anyway, you may note that Penny has a slight distraction from my random notes.  Hmmm..yummy treats!
One last thing, at the insistence of Penny and some wayward stuffed hedgehog.  According to scientists, when you smell food, as in, 'gee that food smells delicious, dear..' you are actually 'tasting' some of the food in the form of tiny molecules, that have wafted through the air.  I'm staying well clear of public toilets....